Keep an Open Heart

I look around at my peers and see a lot of jaded faces, marked by frowns and tired eyes. I hear both men and women say that members of the opposite sex are untrustworthy. Many have given up completely on love, on companionship, on friendship, on intimacy ... on having it all, because of how things worked out for them in the past. Because they suffered, they do not want to risk being happy. Does that really make sense?

It may seem trite, but what we focus on becomes the truth for us, whether it be positive or negative. Why not go for the positive? I have also come to realize that we tend to see in others a reflection of ourselves.

One of the reasons I feel I get along so well with younger people is because, for the most part, they are still dreamers and idealists, as am I ...

In love as well as in life, we cannot base the future always on the past. That is not to say we should not or could not, learn from our mistakes, of course. It does mean that even if someone has betrayed us in the past, the only one we are harming by believing that everyone will betray us in the future, is ourselves. We are also depriving others of our beauty, of our companionship and our love.

Keep an open heart and fill it with your own love, as only by loving oneself can one give to others and be ready to receive love and friendship compounded. Be generous, trusting and joyful and that is what you will attract.

When the right person comes, you will know - there will be a gut feeling; no ifs and buts, no rules. Trust your gut and don´t let anyone tell you otherwise.

www.lorrainecladish.com/

Lessons from my kids

All mothers believe their kids are special, and they are.
My kids are truly my reason for breathing. When I let myself BE in the moment and revel in them, they ground me and remind me of what is really important. Things often get worse before they get better, simply to test our resilience - those of us who have developed a soul with stamina will thrive, no matter what, and live to tell and share and teach - by example.
I will share here some of the comments my 8-year old has blown me away with and that I keep in my heart as teachings from an old soul.
"Mommy, why are you crying? It´s not like that´s going to make it start raining money!" (I laughed and hugged her).
"You need to go running - you always feel better after that". (Does she know me or what!)
"Mommy, it´s not like you have to do it all by yourself. Don´t you have a daughter with two hands who can help you out? Hello?" (This was late one night before having to lug up all my jewelry and groceries up three flights of stairs with my 5-year old asleep in the car. I was floored).
"I think you are beautiful just the way you are!"
My 5-year old tells me
"Mommy, I am in your heart and you are in mine"
The list goes on and on ....
Listen to your kids, but I mean really, LISTEN ... They are full of wisdom.

http://www.lorrainecladish.com/

Smile and the world will smile with you ...

If I had to name my favorite accesory, I would undoubtedly say it is my smile. I never leave the house without it. People mimic other´s expressions, and if you smile, the world will, in fact, smile with you.
A friend of mine who lives in Spain asked me recently how I was doing, and I told her I would rather not detail the challenges I had been going through because I did not want to feed that kind of energy. I needed to stay strong and positive. She mentioned that I must be a pretty good actress, because from my pictures on facebook I always looked extremely happy!
I do not advocate hiding one´s feelings or faking a mood all the time. But the more I practice the art of smiling, the easier it comes to me. I mostly wear a positive attitude no matter what is happening in my life. We are not our circumstances, keep that in mind, and we CAN train ourselves to act and react differently to how we are used to in the face of challenges.
When I came back from my recent trip to NYC I left my laptop on the plane. When I realized this, I ran back to the gate and was told the seats on my row were empty. My expensive macbook was gone with everything in it! After my initial shock, I was taken aback by my own reaction to the event. I did not crumble, I did not buckle under, I did not get angry. Furthermore, I was able to comfort a friend whose new camera was stolen a week later, because I knew what it felt like to lose your main work tool. I was able to move on and with the help of loved ones, get a new laptop and continue working ... and smiling.

http://www.lorrainecladish.com/

Get out of your own way and thrive ...

I just came back from an inspiring trip to NYC, where I was a guest on a documentary on people who have chosen at some point in their life to follow their hearts and go for their life's purpose and have accomplished it. I was invited as a many times published author. However, I got more out of the documentary than I feel my own contribution was worth. I had the privilege of watching six other accomplished people speak from the heart in front of the cameras, as did I, and bare their souls to the world. That is the only way to truly connect with other human beings: without a mask, without caring what they will think of us because of what we say or do.
Behind the scenes of the documentary is Karen Hoyos www.karenhoyos.com in NYC, a motivational speaker and wonderful woman who helped me understand that even though I have published 15 books so far, I have not yet realized my life's purpose to it's full potential. There are so many more people I can reach from a higher level ... and I am going for it.
The essence of Karen's message that I am now owning, is that by getting out of our own way, we thrive. No amount of analyzing and pondering matches the feeling of being right on track with your spirit.
That which makes us feel alive, on purpose and joyful - that is what we must pursue, in every area of our lives. It doesn't matter if others don't get you. Some will, some won't ... and that's ok. Be present, be here now, don't think too much, and let yourself feel ... Speak and act from the heart, be you ... It works.
Keep in mind that each and every experience, both the apparently positive and the seemingly negative, is a stepping stone for the next experience, and that when you've been down, the only way to go is up.
I have always lived outside of the box, but now I am taking it a step further, and I am getting out of my head and into my heart and not selling out. I almost did, but Karen Hoyos helped me understand that is not an option for me.
That is true for everyone - if you get out of your own way and listen to your heart, to your soul, there is no fear, there is no doubt and everything is possible.
Then, you simply thrive ....

www.lorrainecladish.com

If you want to meet the love of your life ...

A friend shared a quote by Byron Katie with me recently: "If you want to meet the love of your life, look in the mirror". I cannot agree more. It is fair to own that I am the love of my life since it is the only person who is with me 24 hours a day. And if this does not hold true, that means I am disengaged from myself, and that in turn signifies that I am not living fully. I suspect this to be true for everybody.
I have two daughters who are my engines, but yet as Khalil Gibran said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
So, again, I am left - as we all are - with myself.
I am fortunate to enjoy solitude - but it is also important not to isolate from the world, and not to hide from it, no matter what challenges it throws our way.
By cherishing and treating ourselves as the precious being we are, we will be filled enough with love to sustain ourselves and to spill into everything we do and everyone we meet.
Look in the mirror. Who do you see?
Hopefully someone you admire, support and love unconditionally.

www.lorrainecladish.com

Savoir Faire - the ability to do the right or graceful thing.

This basically means to have social skills and the ability to interact with people of all walks of life and not make a fool of yourself in any place or situation. Plus, you are able to conduct and present yourself in a graceful and polite manner no matter where you are.

Is this innate or is it learned? This is exactly the question posed in George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. Audrey Hepburn, who was in my opinion, the Queen of Savoir Faire, played Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, the movie based on the musical that was in turn based on the book.

It is still a large part of European culture to use clothes and a certain attitude to express who you are. Women learn from an early age to adapt makeup and accessories to each and every situation they are in, from the gym to the boardroom. Far from feeling like slavery to looks, it is a confidence-booster and a lot of fun!

European men are also fashion-conscious without losing track of their masculinity and no, they are not all male-chauvinists.

In the U.S. the saying goes that if someone is tastefully dressed and has good manners, he or she must be gay or European. And this is supposed to be funny?

When you have savoir faire, you could be wearing sweats and you would still stand out, in a good way. It is not always what you wear, but how you wear it that counts. Your manners, your tone of voice and your presence speak volumes about you.

I recall attending a dance seminar in the U.S. where part of the day was devoted to teaching fully-grown women to walk in heels and stand around in a skirt. I experienced culture-shock right there. Shouldn't we already know this by now?

Learning to own your space and your grace, knowing when to talk and when to walk, is second nature in other countries where most women grow up to be ladies and men to be gentlemen. Admittedly it is in extinction, but thankfully not completely lost and when found, very pleasing to be around.

If you have savoir faire you have an edge, whether you are aware of this or not, and are likely to be more successful in a number of areas, from dating to doing business. It is a win-win art.

www.lorrainecladish.com

Just Do It!

I am passionate about passion. That is, the act of following one´s dreams and heart, no matter what. Last night I found myself (again) lighting up about this subject at a parking lot, saying goodbye to a girlfriend Spanish style (we drag on farewells forever). All of a sudden I snapped out of my trance and felt I had to excuse myself, because 5 minutes into my speech I realized I may be sounding condescending, and that is certainly not my intention.

All in all I feel accomplished and I am not embarrassed to admit it. I am very grateful not only for my talents, but also for the determination I have to put them to good use. If you wait for the right moment to play your music, take up photography, start your own business, write a book or start an exercise regime, you will never do it. Not only that but the nagging guilt about not doing it will weigh you down, undermining your happiness and sapping your energy.

There is no secret to feeling accomplished other than to “just do it”. I am a writer, therefore I write. I am an author, therefore I publish. I am a dancer because I dance. I am a runner because I run. I have written late at night instead of partying with friends, instead of watching TV, juggling day work as a translator, during heartbreak, in mourning, throughout pregnancies and post-partum blues, in happy time and sad times, with and without money. My kids see that and respect it and - guess what – I found my 8-year old has several Word files in my laptop, where she has written her own stories already. My 5-year old is a born singer … I will give her wings to make her voice fly … and she knows that.

Life is filled with challenges, but they will be easier to handle if you life a life on purpose – your purpose! If you have kids, they will watch you walk the talk and they will naturally follow their own dream, because to them it will seem the normal thing to do! Just sit back and watch it happen. Your heart will swell and you will experience fulfillment. Doesn't that sound good? It is!

www.lorrainecladish.com

Doing whatever it takes

My entries are often sparked by conversations and comments I pick up on. A couple days ago a friend told me he admired my quality of doing whatever it takes to get things done and make it happen in my own terms.
Of course I felt good hearing this, but on the other hand I know it is true. However, it is not something I gloat about, because it has become second nature. The main reason most people are not self-motivated is because they do not make attaining their goals part of their life-style. I believe the only reason I am so determined is because over time I made it a habit. When I incorporate something to my schedule, I tend to stick to it. I don't get lost in the last minute "should I or shouldn't I ..... ". The blank could be filled with - "go to the gym", "drive 40 miles to a dance lesson", "write another chapter in my next book", "call 10 people for my business" ... or any other number of things.
Eliminating the clutter of indecision has not only made me a fast decision-maker but it also helps me to not question the unquestionable. I want to do something - I do it. There is really no mystery to that. If you repeat this enough times ... you will be fit, write books, compose music, learn a new skill and be overall happy with who you are. Then circumstances will be just that ... circumstances, and never an excuse to not do the things you value.

www.lorrainecladish.com

What is success?

The other day someone asked me what my definition of success is.

I say success is whatever it is for you at any given moment. 

Success could be something as small as getting out of bed in the morning when you are depressed.

Success can mean making 10 sales calls in a row when you are a shy person.

It could be writing a chapter of a book every week, pursuing your hobby of photography, dancing, or skydiving.

Success is the feeling that you are living a purpose-driven life. It could mean having no debt and having savings, a stable income, or enjoying the now. It could be the fact that you are capable of doing something to help others even when you need help yourself. 

For me, success is sometimes each of those things separately or all of them at once. It means taking care of myself and my kids and striving for balance, while trying to change my perception of the world because only then will the world change in my eyes - for the better.

It is being able to appreciate the crackling of fireworks exploding in the night sky, even in the most challenging of times. It means having dreams, making a plan to reach them and sticking to it, no matter what. It is trying to live intensely instead of just going through the motions until a lucky break comes by. 

Success, for me, is being able to appreciate the good and the bad, the painful and the joyful while understanding that it all has a purpose.

What is success for you?

www.lorrainecladish.com 

Nothing is as pink as it seems, but I wear rose-colored sunglasses.

In the picture are the two main reasons why I get out of bed every morning even when at times, my light frame feels like a body of lead. If my daughters can pretend a cardboard box is a castle or a tree-house and have fun with that instead of complaining that they are bored with being at home with me all summer while I work and hustle for more freelance work, I can keep fighting to keep their dreams alive.

There may not be treats in the fridge, and sometimes not enough ingredients to make a proper meal lately, but they find ways to laugh and smile and make do with what we have. 

When I catch myself feeling paralyzed by fear over making customer phone calls for my home-based jewelry biz, or over offering my next book to an agent or publisher, I look at my kids, I put my game face on and I start dialing the heck out of my phone. I feel so much better afterwards, no matter what the outcome. 

I'm likely not the only single broke mom out there now, and I would like others to know that sometimes behind the most genuine smile are hidden tears of quiet desperation. Even those who seem to have it all together feel like they are falling apart at the seams sometimes. 

The secret is that it is OK to feel that way, but not to let ourselves cave in. 

Even in dire straits, with a broken heart, a shaken soul and in uncertain times, every single day I find a reason to give thanks for the good that has come my way and to congratulate myself for the small or big steps I took towards the small short-term goals of paying the bills without losing sight of the large long-term goals of touching more and more readers with my books and raising my girls to be determined and strong women themselves. 

www.lorrainecladish.com