Thursday, July 23, 2009
Nothing is as pink as it seems, but I wear rose-colored sunglasses.
In the picture are the two main reasons why I get out of bed every morning even when at times, my light frame feels like a body of lead. If my daughters can pretend a cardboard box is a castle or a tree-house and have fun with that instead of complaining that they are bored with being at home with me all summer while I work and hustle for more freelance work, I can keep fighting to keep their dreams alive.
There may not be treats in the fridge, and sometimes not enough ingredients to make a proper meal lately, but they find ways to laugh and smile and make do with what we have.
When I catch myself feeling paralyzed by fear over making customer phone calls for my home-based jewelry biz, or over offering my next book to an agent or publisher, I look at my kids, I put my game face on and I start dialing the heck out of my phone. I feel so much better afterwards, no matter what the outcome.
I'm likely not the only single broke mom out there now, and I would like others to know that sometimes behind the most genuine smile are hidden tears of quiet desperation. Even those who seem to have it all together feel like they are falling apart at the seams sometimes.
The secret is that it is OK to feel that way, but not to let ourselves cave in.
Even in dire straits, with a broken heart, a shaken soul and in uncertain times, every single day I find a reason to give thanks for the good that has come my way and to congratulate myself for the small or big steps I took towards the small short-term goals of paying the bills without losing sight of the large long-term goals of touching more and more readers with my books and raising my girls to be determined and strong women themselves.