Wednesday, April 7, 2010
For a time I said I knew what I did not want in a relationship. I did not want a cheater or a liar and I did not want verbal or physical abuse. Now I see that I did not, however, know what I DID want, and I have come to figure it out now. One day, I wrote a list of the attributes I wanted in a romantic partner, and many of them were based on my current values. I wrote the list thinking that perhaps it was unrealistic to expect every one of those traits to materialize in one person. I did, however, attract someone who fit the bill and strangely I was not too surprised. Perhaps I was finally ready to admit and deal with what I wanted.
As we grow older and have a longer and denser past, children, exes, responsibilities and quirks, I don´t think it is a bad thing to be choosy. There should be, in the name of self-respect and self-confidence, a set of minimum requirements that any potential partner should meet. Saying yes to anything less than that is self-destruction. The best relationships do, however, take into account that the other person is a partner, an accomplice, a lover and a friend, not someone to put down constantly or that you dread coming home to because the bickering won't stop.
Some of my current beliefs about relationships:
- If your partner is not your best friend, something is wrong.
- If you don´t know whether you are in love or not, you aren´t.
- If you need marriage counseling, it´s too late.
- If you are staying “for the kids”, you should leave.
- If you think you can change someone, you better change yourself.
- If you believe a soul-mate is perfect, you're in for a surprise.
- If you "know" someone is your soul-mate, what´s the rush?
What do you think?