Successful friendships

I can count my best friends with just a few fingers, but they are the ones who have been there for the long haul, and me for them. We have shared good times, bad times, arguments, make-up hugs, laughs and tears. We have been separated in time and distance and reunited more than once. 

Over the years we have become pillars in one another's lives, and every time we meet up again in person we take up exactly from where we left off. Not one moment of awkwardness or a what if.

In order to be successful in business, professionally, creatively and in other relationships, it is vital to have a solid network of friends. 

This creates balance, support and perspective and helps us keep on track when we temporarily go adrift. My best friends are those who I feel like calling immediately when I have great news to tell or sad news to share. And when others do the same with me, I feel complemented and reciprocated.

No matter what is going on in our lives, successful friendships will always fuel the other areas of our lives. Don't forget to nurture them. 

www.lorrainecladish.com

The ability to make the best of everything

I am a risk-taker and even when life throws curve-balls and I get hit by them, I have discovered I have the ability to bounce back and make the best of everything. Of course I fall and get hurt, but that doesn't mean I have to stay on the ground crying it out. I get up, dust myself off and keep on going. 

Recently I took a chance that figuratively turned out to be a slap on the face. And still, instead of wading in self pity, I found myself thoughtfully trying to make the best of it. And I did. 

An author is an author, is an author ... and if I had not taken that chance I would not now have a request from one of my publishers for my next book, number 16 in my publishing career.

Even if we are not guilty of the difficulties that we experience, we are responsible for facing them and turning them to our advantage and if possible, to the advantage of others. That is what I try to do in my non-fiction books. 

So, no regrets, ever ... simply get on with life and make THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. Nothing is good or bad. It is up to us to tip the scales in one direction or the other. Live, love, laugh ... and above all, keep taking chances. As long as I can feel, I know I am alive. 

www.lorrainecladish.com

Stepping out to step up

These are challenging times worldwide, no doubt. For a lot of us, they are also challenging at a personal level. 

I have had the unexpected opportunity to step out of my habitat, my usual environment, and travel to my other country. This has been a gift that I will always cherish ... 

One of the things that stepping out of your daily life does, is give you a different perspective of problems, of how to approach those huge mountains that seem so scary on a daily basis and turn them into molehills, instead of the other way around. 

One thing we must keep in mind is that we are NOT our circumstances. We are who we are, and whatever difficulties we are going through at present are circumstantial. They will pass. But they will pass because we will rise to the occasion, after having gathered strength and perspective and a plan of action.

Getting away from it all need not be an escape. In fact, it should not be an escape, but a trip to our soul, to our inner strength.

Sometimes we get ourselves into the wrong situation for the right reasons, and then find ourselves in dire straits. Some of us have stayed too long in a bad marriage for the kids, some have lived off of credit to keep the wheel turning, hoping things would change. But they didn't ...

Nothing is really a mistake ... we made choices, and as long as they were made for the right reasons, according to our values, and not recklessly and with abandon, we should forgive ourselves and others and forget. we must deal with the cards we dealt ourselves, and keep on going. Never let anyone judge you for the mistakes you made ... and certainly do your best not to judge others either. We all know it is far easier to fix other people's problems than our own.

Far from my habitat, in my home country, away from what I see and do every day, I am learning that I am not the mistakes I made. I am a strong person, a happy soul, a good friend, a loving mother, a fantastic woman, and ... simply me. That is the best thing to be, not only for myself but for everyone. 

Now, issues and challenges ... move over .... I'm back on track!

You can do the same, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Realizing one's shortcomings is the first step towards change. Step out and step up!

www.lorrainecladish.com

One for the ladies!

Now that I am a single mom by choice, I am more attuned to women my age who are without a significant other, or who are in an unhappy relationship or who are simply settling for far much less than they deserve.

Granted, love relationships are a give and take, and require a little molding here and there to adjust to the other person and, hopefully, viceversa ....

But why is it that beautiful (inside and out) capable, strong ladies are settling for bums who cannot support themselves, have drug problems or are clearly married to their careers to the extent that they will not take the chance of a lifetime to be satisfied in another very important area of their lives?????

A male friend told me today: "do not pause for anyone ... keep it moving ..." and it hit home. 

If at the beginning of a relationship he does not take time every day to call you or write you a text message, in a world where there is no excuse for no communication (I couldn't find a phone .. DUH! or .... I didn't have Internet Access ... yeah right! PUHLEASE .... ) .... later on, he will continue the same pattern and you will wonder why the heck you settled for those stale crumbs he threw your way ... 

If at first he is aloof or unwilling to go the extra mile for that trophy that is you, baby, he ain't worth your time. Take it from an expert, from someone who has researched, written and published several books on relationships, and especially lived through them and yes, survived them. So far, anyhow. 

Of course we ain't perfect either ... But I see too many qualified women settling for guys that are clearly either not that into them or simply not worth being into!  This is not only sad but indignant.

Women are emotional beings, nurturers and multitaskers. We would do anything for love; we have time and energy for love even when balancing a career, financial struggles, kids, and a hundred other obligations.

We deserve to be treated like queens because we are queens ... You need a man who is at least half the woman you are. 

If your heart tells you you deserve better .... even if you don't want to admit it to your best friends ... trust me ... you deserve better. Life does NOT wait. Move on. The love you need lies within YOU. 

Kiss as many frogs as you need to, but kiss them, and then keep on going. If you don't, you will never find that Prince you deserve and who deserves you. 

www.lorrainecladish.com

Don't let pride stand in your way.

There are as many interpretations of success as there are people in this world. Success for you may not be what is is for me. 

I consider myself successful in the sense that I discovered my life-purpose at a relatively young age, and was rash enough to pursue it independently from whether other people thought it was possible, feasible or even rational. I have accomplished most things that I set out to do in life and I am in the process of setting new goals.

I am a communicator, and in that arena I have satisfied my life-purpose. I use every means available to me to get across inspirational, motivational and informational messages to as many people as I can, from books, to blogs, including e mails, letters and even text messages ... and make a living with it. 

However, even those of us who are successful in one area, may occasionally be in need of help in another aspect of our lives. 

The fact that many people look to me to provide answers, comfort and insight that I offer through my books ( www.lorrrainecladish.com ) sometimes means that I feel the pressure of always having to appear put-together, positive and strong. However, I have learned that being vulnerable, upfront and real is what connects human beings and that opening your heart to others is the only way to let in any kind of help. 

Before I had children, I was rather proud ... and always wanted to do things without help or with the least amount of help possible. Now I have two young kids who are a part of most everything I do. As a single mom struggling to put her personal and financial life back together after a huge fallout, I have had to sidestep my pride and, thanks to that, have renewed my hope in people due to incredible and unforeseen gestures of help: financial, gift-wise and with moral support that I never asked for, but got anyway ...

I accept them because my daughters deserve to be fed, clothed and carefree. The unexpected and much appreciated help I am receiving in dire straits simply fuels my desire to work harder to repay those giving me a helping hand. Those gestures are engraved in my heart and I will always be there for those who were there for me ... 

What goes around comes around, and not necessarily from the person you originally gave to.

www.lorrainecladish.com

The Myth of Job Security

Having made a living as a freelancer for the larger part of my life, I am frequently asked if I am not stressed by the uncertainty of my work and income. Oddly, even though I am faced with this uncertainty every single month, and have done so for more years than I'd like to admit to,  I would never trade it for a "secure" 9 to 5 job. That would be the death of my soul and the end of time spent with my kids when they come home from school, the end of my freedom to manage my own schedule, to be able to relocate, or take a vacation on a whim. 

I am by no means suggesting that everyone should trade in their 9 to 5  job for a lifetime of hustling for odd jobs, of course not. What I am trying to convey is that during a world-wid

e financial crisis such as the one we ar

e living now, most people would feel better if they adapted their mindset to the current times, so they could dispel the anxiety that comes with fear of losing their jobs or not securing a new one when they are laid off. 

Nowadays, job security is a joke, and most of my friends and people I know are not happy with their "secure" jobs to begin with. They complain 

every Monday morning and arrive at Friday happy the week is over, only to Spend Sunday night dreading the beginning of another week at the office. BUT they have a paycheck to take home and cover their bills.

On the other hand, those of us who have spent our lives riding the wave of opportunity and uncertainty are less fazed by the generally daunting prospect of not knowing where our income will come from next month.

Speaking strictly for myself, I have learned to put my skills to use writing, translating, helping others be fit, selling, and adapt to the circumstances and often make the circumstances work in my favor. 

Because of personal circumstances that I will blog about in a different post, I am not well-off by any means, and I'm still working on that one, but I am rich in the sense that I love the work I do, I am able to spend unstructured time with my kids, I can take walks on the beach when everyone else is in the office, and then I am able to work at night, which is when I am most creative, while I snuggle next to my kids.

If you have a 9 to 5  job and that is what you want, by all means enjoy it. If you have been laid off, or are afraid of that, rest assured that there are people out there such as myself, who have never had a "secure" job and have been able to survive without having to live in a shelter.

Security is a mindset, and nothing and nobody can give it to you other than yourself.

www.lorrainecladish.com

Yes, we can!

This is not only the hair-raising (in a good way) chant that ruled the U.S. and the world the night President Obama was elected, but it should be our daily motto. It is mine. 

Even in the best of times, even in the worst of times, we should always believe we can do something daunting. This is a post of clichés, since now I will say that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Everything has been said, everything has been written, and all we can do is revive it in our own words and with our own interpretations and remind ourselves that it is true.

Faced by challenges I feel I should have foreseen a few years back I recently had the choice of continuing to do the same thing and expect different results (more clichés) which is a definition of insanity, or leaping into the unknown and hoping a safety net would appear.

I leapt, and nets did appear, from the most unusual people and places, and also from the tried and true ones.

When we are faced with tough choices and wonder whether we will survive the daunting but freeing ones ... we should think back to previous times when we have faced situations we never thought we would survive or overcome ... and there find proof that we can do it yet again. We can and we will if we dare.

Even in the worst of times ...

Yes, we can!

www.lorrainecladish.com

You don't need willpower, you need results!

I have been told over the years that I have enviable willpower. I disagree. Willpower is when you WILL yourself (force yourself) to do something you do NOT feel like doing. What I've done over the years is become the type of person who NEEDS to do certain things, and therefore I get results which other people assume are the product of willpower, when they are simply a by-product of who I am.

A few examples:

- I have written and published 15 books (not self-published). Not because I have forced myself to do it, but because I am happier writing and publishing than not. It is a way of life for me. There is not much willpower involved in doing what you enjoy. I admit there are times when I have writer's block, other things to do and maybe other desires. But consistency over time is key.

- I am in rather good shape, especially for my age. Again, not because I drag myself to the gym, but because my body begs me to exercise regularly. Well, my body, mind and spirit do. I started exercising at 12 years old, and I have practised some form of exercise on a weekly basis ever since. I am not an exercise freak ... I listen to my body and act accordingly. It´s who I am. No willpower required there either.

- I never miss a deadline. Translating, writing, interpreting or giving excellent customer service in my jewelry biz. That´s also why I´ve always been a successful free-lancer. I´m self-motivated by nature. I can´t stand having someone tell me what I´ve got to do, but I am very ok with committing to something and delivering accordingy. I don´t let myself down.

- I am committed. If I want something bad enough, I am willing to go the extra mile to get it. Some people are surprised when I tell them I drive 40 miles each way for a dance class, or that I am willing to do a 4 hour drive to attend a seminar and drive back the same day. I don´t think about it, I just do it. What most people do is let themselves have a back and forth mental conversation about doing something or not, and often end up NOT doing it. Don´t argue with yourself!

I´m not trying to be smug about this ... A friend told me recently that most people are not wired the way I am ... I say, we can ALL rewire ourselves. I suppose there was a time in my life when I learned self-control and discipline. It was a question of survival. Survive, I did, and rather well

You CAN rewire yourself.
How do I know this? Because I have also taken on ventures that I never thought I would be cut out to do. When I started out selling jewelry, I thought I could not pull it off. After all, I had worked as an accounts exec. for an advertising firm at twentysomething and CRIED before every cold call or visit. However, in my forties, because of a family financial crisis, I looked into direct sales and even though I was scared, I took it on. I have had to use willpower to call potential customers, to go out and network, to accept "no" for an answer, handle cancellations for jewelry shows, and the list goes on. But my WHY is big enough to face my fears and yes, I use willpower to keep on going in this arena.

Become the person with the qualities you want to acquire, and not only will you thrive but it will become effortless. I promise!

www.lorrainecladish.com

Steps to improve your mood in difficult times.

Ok, so I've let myself fall apart at the seams as I explained in the previous entry, where I stated that I thought it´s ok to be sad, mad and bad from time to time. BUT it can´t go on for too long, lest it become a (terribly BAD) habit ...
Now, let´s dust ourselves off, stand up tall and keep on going. Life really is too short to be thinking of how nice it would be NOT to be living it sometimes. Scary thoughts maybe, but they haunt most people at some point in their life. After acknowledging that, which is rather healthy, instead of letting it all bottle up, we must move on.
Some simple things that help me shake off the blues brought on by apparently bigger-than-life issues are:

- Going for a run. This may not work for everyone, but find what makes you click and do it. Walking, going to the gym, dancing, gardening ...
- Listening to motivational audio-books. I use them when driving and I fall asleep to them when my thoughts won´t let me be at night.
- Making someone else happy by giving a compliment, sending a heartfelt e mail or smiling at them.
- Watching my kids play, and especially playing WITH them.
- Taking a shower or a bath. Sounds simple, and maybe you´ve already taken one today. But water cleanses more than the body. It also cleanses the soul.
- Mindlessly browsing through a magazine.
- Staying away, FAR away, from energy-sucking and negative people. The more evolved you become, the easier it is to detect who those people are. Also be aware that one can also have energy-sucking properties at times. But that is also easier and easier to acknowledge and steps can be taken to counteract this.
- Connecting with people who help me feel uplifted and whom I know I inspire. Inspiring another is a source of inspiration in itself!
- Doing something that scares me ... After doing it, I feel I can accomplish anything, and so empowered ...

What do you do to refuel?

Even Wonder Woman's cape snags at times ...

When I interact with the world, people see (and I know this because I get told rather frequently ... THANK YOU all!) a vibrant, smiling, positive, go-getting person. Well, most people do, anyhow.
When I come home, or interact with those who know me better, they also see someone who gets upset, frustrated and cries when she feels overwhelmed by financial pressures, wrongdoings and stressful situations. I was reading SUCCESS magazine last night, after my uplifting dance class and before falling asleep while trying to avoid thinking about all the pressing issues I’m dealing with lately. On the one hand, some of the authors writing about positivism and getting ahead in tough times sound really commonsensical. On the other hand, I feel they convey (and I've been wondering if I do too sometimes) that it is something to be ashamed of to have moments of self-doubt, of desperation and of wanting to hang out in your PJs all day and let the world do its own thing while you feel sorry for yourself.
I am the author of quite a few self-help books, and it feels ironic that I need help myself at times. But, I do go and find it, mind you! Every single day: in books, motivational CDs, pursuing my passions, listening to my children and even searching within my soul.
I am human, and my own Wonder Woman cape snags at times. I also feel hurt, alone, scared, sad and hopeless on occasion (or more than on occasion). And I’ve realized it’s ok! If I did not experience those quiet moments of desperation, I would not enjoy the fun times, the high times, and the thrill of bouncing back, dusting myself off and getting back to the task of motivating myself and others by example.
Sometimes my body and soul need to retire in solitude and feel the pain until it hurts so much that it becomes unbearable unless I do something about it. It feels like using a bow and arrow ... In order to propel the arrow forward, you have to pull it back. If you want to skate uphill, you must first skate downhill really fast, to gain momentum, and then you can take on that next slope. Hey, I’ve broken my tailbone a couple times skating, and I have strapped those rollerblades on again …
If you are feeling down and desperate, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it, know others out there, to include myself, are putting on their game face on a daily basis and that’s fine. The good thing is ... when you do it often enough, smiling and a positive attitude do become a lifestyle, and you will find ways to get back on your feet faster and faster after every fall!
Come on, we can do this!